When family friends are better than professional shadchanim:
Not everyone has a picture perfect life, and it is often those individuals who have been through things and struggled, who end up making the best spouses. And yet it is ironic how those individuals who met their life’s challenges with grit and determination, and really built themselves in to solid and sensitive ovdei Hashem, are often stigmatized by our community- especially when it comes to shidduchim.
They need our help! I know it isn’t fair but professional shadchanim often have no choice but to match up people based on their stories. Instead of thinking about who would make a fitting mate for the individual carrying the stigma of a less than perfect family, a shadchan will often look for someone who will be willing to consider someone with a story. And so many talented, capable, refined and successful singles will be labeled second rate and suggested to people who are not of the same caliber, but who carry the burden of a similar story. And that’s where family and friends come in. We see our friends as wonderful people instead of defining them by the stigmas they carry. Therefore we can often do a better job of redting our friends shidduchim.
I have a friend who had a very special daughter in the parsha, and she called me to ask about an eligible boy in my city. But that boy wasn’t frum enough for my friend’s daughter. So I tried to think of someone who is frum enough, and serious enough about his learning for this girl, and the face of another boy in my city flashed through my mind. I thought it was a good idea because both the girl and boy have so much simchas hachayim, and they share the same values. And then I realized that they even had complimenting stories. So I decided to redt it.
Both the girl’s mother and the boy’s mother liked what they heard. And when they asked for the name they both said the same thing. “Oh, a shaddchan redt this already, but I said no.” One side had thought that the other side’s story was too intimidating, and the other side had thought that the hashkafos weren’t compatible. But when they both realized that I knew the other side personally they agreed to look into the shidduch. They both trusted me because I was a family friend, and not a professional shadchan. And now we have a very happy chassan and kallah who were able to find each other only because their shidduch was handled by a friend.
I’ve seen your ads a few times and was inspired that I could just make suggestions, and keeping making them even if nothing I had ever suggested had worked before. A few months after seeing your ads I made my suggestion even without thinking about your organization. I just did it without looking back!